Everybody talks about it – the nesting instinct you get when you’re pregnant. I never really got it with Oliver. Maybe it’s because we were renting? I was working, we were moving to a bigger flat and had a room to put all of our crap in? Who knows. It just never hit me. It’s not like I could have done too much anyway, what with the heart problems. The doctors told me not to do too much towards the end of my pregnancy and we moved house (flats) when I was 7 months pregnant. But this time is different. I am nesting like crazy!
I remember before I was pregnant I was sort of ‘pre-nesting’, as I referred to it. I wanted to figure out what we could get done and do it. So I started a list. Then we got busy, then we got pregnant. I had such grand plans of how much we would be able to get done around the house, I was pretty convinced it would take us a while trying to conceive so I thought about all of the things I wanted to do first. All of the things we’ve put off for the past couple of years, so of course just before we have a baby is the right time to do those things! Turns out it’s probably not. But it’s a great time to make a list and think about everything that needs doing then stressing about it when you get the positive pregnancy test.
First Trimester Nesting
This is kind of like mild nesting. You can’t do anything because you feel rubbish, so you figure out all of the stuff your other half needs to do, even though they’re at work the whole time and have no spare time to do it. You dream about perfectly decorated minimalist nurseries and start looking at paint colours, even though your spare room is currently packed to the rafters with all of your crap. Your Pinterest board is getting fuller by the day. You see all of the gorgeous art work, the clean, crisp, white rooms with gorgeous non-chewed on furniture. Your glasses are well and truly rose-tinted.
Second Trimester Nesting
Reality hits. Your house is completely packed full of ‘just in case’ crap. The just-in-case-but-I-haven’t-used-it-for-7-years kind of crap. You channel your inner Marie Kondo and start clearing out your wardrobes, drawers and everything else you can find. Except the baby clothes, they’re staying, even the stained ones because they’re tiny and cute and you are sure they will get used. You make your other half empty their half of the wardrobe and tell them you’re getting rid of one set of drawers. Even going as far as to adopt the Marie Kondo style of folding clothes in a bid to make more space. It works and you wonder why on earth you didn’t do it sooner. You add drawer dividers to the IKEA list because you want to make it neat and tidy.
You accept that the list of enormous jobs you’ve left for them isn’t going to get done because they have to work and do all the stuff around the house because you still feel crap. So you make yourself feel more crap by rooting through the loft and trying to empty it of things that you don’t need. You have several bags of stuff to go to the charity shop. You consider selling it, but you just want it out of the house, NOW. Time is running out for goodness sakes!!
Third Trimester Nesting
You get out all of the old baby clothes, and inwardly (sometimes outwardly) weep at how small your baby used to be, but now they’re all grown up and like an actual person that walks and talks and tells you stuff that you didn’t actually know. Then you weep some more because you realise that you just got your life back and now your crazy idea to have another baby means you’ll be back to sleepless nights, waking up at the crack of dawn and your house looking like a nuclear bomb has hit it. You’re going to have to start wiping bums again too.
In the third trimester is when sh*t starts to get real too though, you have to wash and dry all the baby stuff, pack a hospital bag and make sure your car seat and baby’s bed is ready to be used. Especially when your husband likes reminding you that he was born 8 weeks early. All of the space you created gets taken up with nappies, wipes, maternity pads and breast pads. Because as you found out the first time around, you go through more of those than you ever imagined. Then there’s the cleaning, you absolutely MUST clean your oven regularly because who knows when you’ll get to do it after the baby arrives (even though you haven’t done it for like a year before then anyway). The house is vacuumed to within an inch of it’s life and you’re worried the carpets will start to go threadbare. Curtains are down and washed. And your five year old is wondering why he has to tidy up so much more now than he ever has before. Probably because you can’t see your feet and you fear standing on Lego without any warning that it’s there. He’s managed to avoid standing on Lego so far so he doesn’t understand the pain. Secretly you want to throw a piece of Lego underneath his feet as he’s walking just to get the message across.
There’s a good chance that your cleaning cupboard has never had so many products in and you’re giving your skirting boards evil looks. The only problem is, you can’t even put your shoes on without puffing and panting so crawling around on your hands and knees to clean skirting boards is an exhausting thought. You decide it’s a bad idea, but then you sit there hating the state of your house and weeping at how much there is to do when you can’t actually do it.