It is obviously no secret that Oliver was not planned. He was a surprise, a good one, but a surprise no less. I wrote about how I felt fertility guilt 5 years ago when I was pregnant with him. We were incredibly lucky that we didn’t have to think about trying to conceive. If we had waited for the ‘right time’ to have a baby we probably never would have had a baby. And now we have a 4 and a half year old. He’s absolutely insane but also insanely loving. I wouldn’t change that surprise for anything.
There’s just one thing. We’re settled now, we’ve just got married and we have a big enough age gap that I won’t go crazy. So now we’re trying to have a baby. We’ve obviously never done this before. I mean, we’ve obviously done that before, but not for this purpose. We’ve never been actively trying to conceive. But now we are. And everyone knows. So now there’s a whole new range of emotions.
The logical brain
You know the bit that tells you ‘well on average it takes at least 6 months for most couples to conceive, so obviously it’s not going to happen right away’. You reason with yourself that there’s no point thinking that it’s even going to happen yet.
…But it was so easy last time
I mean, we weren’t even trying to have a baby. We were even trying not to have a baby. So obviously our bodies work together pretty well. I mean, I barely even saw R the month that Oliver was conceived.
Every premenstrual cramp, every period. There’s disappointment that it didn’t happen this time…and then the logical brain kicks in again. I think R takes it slightly personally that it didn’t happen the first time, but as the logical brain points out, it apparently takes 6 months on average.
The ‘should we be trying harder’
I had to google what OPK and BBT meant. OPK’s being ovulation tests, of which I’ve never used. BBT meaning basal body temperature – apparently this requires a special thermometer and you have to check daily. Sounds like a lot of effort. And I have no idea what my cervix is doing or what is coming out of it.
…But won’t the stress of doing those things make it harder?
People always say it’ll happen when you least expect it and that stress stops people from conceiving, which is why people sometimes conceive naturally after failed IVF rounds. So obviously that means we should just ignore it all and ‘just enjoy ourselves’
All of those conflicting emotions and thoughts. It just leaves you at a point of confusion. But at least I can be honest about it. At least I understand even slightly what other people have felt when they’ve wanted a baby.
I’m sure it will happen eventually, and everyone’s pretty pleased it didn’t happen straight away. They weren’t sure they could handle another December birthday! Ha. In the mean time I’m going to enjoy my time with Oliver, he starts school in September and once we have another baby we will have much less time together…I might even get chance to sort my life/house out before another baby comes!
Have you been through this journey? How did you handle it?