Before Oliver, R and I talked about which order we wanted to ‘do things in’; marriage was always my number one and I was adamant we would have no babies until I was Mrs. R. Then I fell pregnant.
I always felt like marriage was the foundation of a family
Which is odd, because my parents are divorced whereas my BFF’s parents only married after 20 something years together and they have an amazing relationship which I’ve always admired. R on the other hand wasn’t keen on marriage despite his parents still being very happily married after 30 odd years and 4 children.
So is it still important now that we have a child and a business together?
Some might say that giving me a 50% share in his business and being the father of my child means that R is 100% committed and we don’t need marriage to prove that. I know that marriage doesn’t prove that. But I do still need marriage. I don’t even know why, it’s just something deep within me, something that would make me feel complete.
Once upon a time I dreamt of a huge wedding with no expense spared and the biggest, sparkliest diamond you could dream of, but now my dream is different.
I dream of being a wife.
Having the same surname as my child and his father.
Having a beautiful low key day shared with our nearest and dearest.
And it doesn’t even matter if there’s a sparkly ring at all.
I just dream of being a Mrs.
It’s even getting to the point where I hate seeing other people getting engaged and just feel this pang of envy in the pit of my stomach – I don’t want to feel this way and I wish I could turn it off, but I can’t.
I know that marriage doesn’t have to be the foundation of a family, but I need it to be a part of mine.