I’m still learning to blog, I don’t really get loads of time to do it so I am still figuring things out! Anyway, I just figured out how to add a new page so I have written an ‘About Me’ section. It’s weird looking back to where it all began (here); how incredibly freaked out I was and convinced I wouldn’t bond with my baby or that I would and then something bad would happen. I still remember sitting on the sofa in my lovely yet tiny second floor flat having just bought some coronas and some pate at the same time as the pregnancy test. In fact, I still remember buying the test and hiding it in my bag after paying at the pharmacy counter in Sainsbury’s down the road even though I had a load of other shopping because I was scared someone from work would see me. I remember not knowing whether to cry or laugh and if I cried were they happy tears or sad tears? I did cry, they were scared tears more than anything.
While writing it I also remembered that I had a blog when I was in sixth form – I used it as a way of getting my crazy thoughts out after I had been diagnosed with depression, so I guess you could say that writing is kind of like a therapy for me. I never got on with talking therapy, but getting things down in writing helps me process things and get my head around things. I’d self harmed back then, another thing I feared about having a baby – post natal depression. I was lucky, I didn’t get it, but the fear was always there and the fear that depression could return at any point is always there but I think writing everything down really helps ease any issues in my head.
I realise I’m starting to ramble, but I suppose that’s what is so great about a blog, just writing down whatever comes in to your head. I’m (almost) completely anonymous online, I’ve even taken my blog link off of my personal twitter account – you can now follow me @diaryofUEM – so I feel like I can say (almost) anything. Since setting up my new twitter account a whole new world has opened up to me of mummy bloggers – and daddy bloggers, we can’t forget the daddies – it’s really impressive seeing the work some of them put in to their blogs, then there’s mine all jumbled up and amateur, lets call it rustic, that sounds better.