I had the most horrific dream the other night, much worse than the other two… I dreamt I had a miscarriage! I even dreamt that I saw all of the blood collected into one of those hospital tray things between my legs, and that there was this little thing that resembled a baby. It was the scariest, most horrific dream I have ever had, pregnant or not! I really do not know what my brain is doing to me, apart from torturing me clearly! Luckily the boy was home and I just tried to snuggle in close to him while he was sleeping to get some comfort. I didn’t tell him what the dream was in the morning, just that I’d had a bad dream, and he gave me a proper cuddle. Having him there is really keeping me going, he’s just amazing about everything, he’s really supportive when I feel crap (although sometimes is very sarcastic about my moods, but only in jest!), he does things for me when I am lacking in energy, and even comes to bed with me when I am falling asleep at 8.30 in the evening as he knows I like to fall asleep with him there.
I first felt the baby kick a couple of weeks ago, it started as tiny kicks that I could feel inside, but has gradually become stronger! I say gradually, having spoken to others and read up on the internet it appears it has been quite rapid! At 20-21 weeks the boy felt the baby kick, but only a tiny bit, and only once. Then a couple of days ago, he had his hand on my tummy and the baby kicked really hard, and did it a couple of times. This was the first time he was sure about what he had felt, and I have never seen such a reaction! He was beaming!! He rarely writes anything on facebook that’s personal, it’s mainly work rants, but he updated his status saying how amazing, yet scary it was to feel the baby kick – cue all of his friends suddenly realising we are going to have a baby and writing their messages of congratulations on the comments.
The first time I felt the baby kick so hard that I saw my belly move, I was overcome with joy, and my feelings for my partner were cemented (not that they weren’t already, but pregnancy hormones and moods sometimes make you wonder), I wished he was there to witness it, but he was working away that night. I couldn’t wait for him to get home, and the next night when I finished work, I sat in the same position as I’d been the night before, at around the same time, and made him have his hand on my tummy. Sure enough within a few minutes he felt the baby kick (this is the time when he wasn’t really sure what he felt), I was so glad he experienced it so soon after me. One of the most important things to me is that he is as much a part of the pregnancy as I am, I know how much he wants this, and how special it is. We have a heartbeat monitor, we are yet to find the right position to get the heartbeat, but I’m sure it won’t be long.
Every time something big happens, I want him there, and every time something bad happens, or I have a bad dream I am so thankful to have him, be it in person or on the end of the phone when he’s away.
An image he will understand….